For Dad.

You know those greeting cards they used to sell? They probably still sell them but I don't know for sure. Those "Everything I know about (fill in the subject)... I learned from my (fill in the teacher). Remember those cards? Well, everything I know about my dad... I learned from my husband. It's really true. Before I was married I was aware that people really loved my dad from his work on TV and films. The cult of celebrity being what it is, I was accustomed to strangers coming up to him and gushing about this, that, or the other. Dad was always gracious and kind. But you know, when you're growing up around it none of that really resonates with you because it's just your dad. It's kind of like... 'that's cool but can we just keep going on with our day now?'. And any story your dad tells you've heard a thousand times before so it feels like everyone else has as well, so you kind of roll your eyes at the things strangers find charming because well... it's just your dad. Then I met the love of my life and married him and slowly but surely something I never expected happened. Like a trip to the optometrist when you're asked "Better now? How about now? Clearer or worse?" Something was definitely clearer. I began to see my dad. Growing up, I majored in all things girly. Men were amusing, forgetful, silly, messy, and totally without the ability to reason. I wasn't jaded about the opposite gender. I actually thought of them as a really good idea. Like high heel shoes or the perfect pair of sunglasses. Billy changed that. In our years together I learned what a man has to endure in our society. I'm not talking about jerky abusive guys. I'm talking about real men. I saw the transition Billy made from being my best friend to being the one chosen to protect me. To make our lives secure. to provide for a "family". As we both struggled to make a life for ourselves I saw the weight of what was expected appear in his eyes and many times on his face. I saw courage in the wake of some scary stuff. I saw our private time together get slashed to bits as it became financially necessary to take on extra jobs. And because no one ever really knows what anyone else is going through, I watched people come up to my husband and gush about this, that, or the other in the same way they did with my dad. And Billy was gracious and kind. Hmmmm. During my early years with Billy, my dad would often do and or say things that I had seen or heard since I was little. Some of them made me smile or laugh and some of them irritated me because after all... didn't I know everything about him already? It's just dad. But Billy saw it differently. I should say Billy actually knows my dad. The bond that they have, the love they share for each other, comes from a certain understanding. My dad has been where my husband is going. My husband is pushing forward, avoiding many of the pitfalls my dad says he didn't avoid. Billy honors my dad's journey. His view was more sympathetic than mine. More insightful. He was like a daddy translator. I was daddy's little girl all grown up and assuming I knew everything. But you can't know what it's like to be the man if you are not. You can't. My dad had three  milestones in the past two weeks. He celebrated his Birthday, his 50th wedding anniversary with my mom, and now Father's Day. It is Father's Day for my husband as well. We are working out of town and away from our child while my parents babysit. I know Billy is not happy about being away. I know he is working hard to build a strong foundation so that he won't have to be away all the time. I know he wonders if he is doing enough or making the right choices. He wonders if he is a good enough husband and father... a strong enough man...a proficient provider. Earlier this week I caught my dad looking at nothing in particular but yet very deep in thought. Suddenly, without warning I didn't need the "daddy translator". My dad was thinking about if he was a good enough husband and father?... a strong enough man?... a proficient provider?... how his choices affected us?... had he been away too much?... could he be forgiven for any short comings?... did we love him? Now that I think of it, my dad has shown great courage in the wake of some scary stuff.  I've seen Billy in that same deep place. Two men contemplating the same issues. One looking forward, one looking back. I can also say that many times during my marriage my dad has been the "husband translator" for me. Ohhhh. Note to self: my mom doesn't see my dad as just her husband . So here's the deal... everything I love and admire the most about my dad I learned from the man I love and admire the most... my husband. My dad is soooo special and I thank God for him. He is a wonderful man. There is no one else like him and I love him so very much. I don't think he knows that. Hopefully he will now. Billy is soooo wonderful and he is everything a dad should be. He is a huge blessing to our son. He is a huge blessing to me and I love him so very much. I thank God for him. I think he knows, but men need to hear it as much as we do. I see that now. I learned that from my dad.