The Mommy Hug

I was deeply saddened to learn of the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I don't know if I was already in need of a good cry or what  but after reading several stories about how she chose to prepare her three remaining children (two of them are under thirteen, one grown) for her inevitable good bye, I found myself running to the bathroom in desperate need of tissue. I'm still emotional as I write this. She prepared them. As best she could. To her satisfaction. Then she could go. We know as mothers the plan is to live long, but not longer than your children. That's unthinkable. And so while I know she wanted more time, like any good mommy if given the choice, she would rather her children live on. She had a son who died at sixteen (unthinkable) and she called him an angel and was comforted by the thought of being reunited in Heaven with him. My thoughts went to my own feelings about being a mom. How could they not? I thought about something I now had that only my son could have given me. The Mommy hug. It's the hug I give my child every day several times a day. Oh, I always gave warm hugs. I come from a huggy family. But the way I hug now is... I realize that I hug my child with all my soul. My prayers. My hopes and dreams for him. Each time. Subconsciously I want to reassure him that if God forbid, something happened to me and it was my last hug, he would know how very much I love him and that I know how much he loves me.That it's going to be alright. He would know that being a mother is the greatest gift God gave me in a lifetime full of great gifts. He would feel how much I pray to God for his safety and his extreme happiness. He would know that with every fiber of my being I know he is going to rock the Universe the way he rocks my world! He will never have to wonder if he hugged me tight enough. In fact he will know that he gave me the Mommy Hug. A hug so jam packed with love, that when talking to his grandchildren or great-grands, he would be able to recall with perfect sense memory what my hugs felt like. I can imagine Elizabeth poured her soul into each and every hug. And although it could never take the pain of losing her away, those children don't have to wonder about the most important things ... the love between them. I totally get why my own Sweet Mommy's hugs are so comforting to me. Her hugs turn me into an instant four year old and I want to just curl up on the sofa and wait for her to make me a grilled baloney and cheese sandwich (even though I'm a veggie) with the crust cut off and a cup of hot chocolate to dunk it in! I'm smiling because my brother and I gave her that hug. The Mommy Hug.The cool thing is, when I meet new people or when I greet those I already know, all of my squeezes seem to be wrapped in this maternal blanket. So here's the deal ... every story about Elizabeth had the predictable paragraphs dedicated to the retelling of the non cancer related drama she went through these last few years of her life. What stood out online and on TV without exception was her love for her children. Because that is ultimately what matters. Go on. I know what you're going to do. I'm going to do the same thing right now. Elijah just woke up from his nap. Hug time.

Things to do... when you don't have the time!

My mornings are always rushed and hectic,which I know you can all relate to. So as I sit here blogging while putting on lipstick and running back and fourth to the kitchen to make breakfast for my guys (I should have been fully dressed a half hour ago), I remind myself of something. Don't forget to breathe deeply, don't forget your lip gloss and travel size hand lotion (running late is no excuse for dry and ashy parts) , and most important don't forget to say thank you. I choose to say thank you to God for all of my blessings. Starting off my day with gratitude instead of attitude helps me make a much needed adjustment before I let stress get the best of me.There is always something to be thankful for. So here's the deal... if you're reading this now and it's almost 8 AM, you're probably late.Go on, get outta here! Hurry! But don't forget to say thank you first.

The CYCLE of life!

It's really something how certain things in our daily routine can unify people from all walks of life. I've just dropped off my six year old son at school and I hear a mom pleading with her boy, "Please be good today. Listen on the first time. Keep your hands to yourself. Finish your work. Please. Pleeeze!" It's the same exact conversation I had with my son only moments ago! And her son is giving her the same exact visual response my son gave me! Not a full roll of the eyes because he knows that won't be tolerated, but it's a half roll with a side stare off into the distance. I whip my head around to see who it is because it feels like we all have the same kid, we just didn't realize it. I hear a husband and wife in the grocery store debating whether or not it matters what kind of toilet tissue they get and why do women use sooo much of it anyway? I have to back up and check to see if the wife is talking to Billy because we just had this talk! It is the same thing with our Dance With Me classes. Women come up to me after and share their stories or ask my advice about things. It never ceases to amaze me how alike all of us are. Most women grow to learn that if they are around a certain group of other women all the time, eventually their menstrual cycles will be in sync. If that's not a great example of God's sense of humor, I don't know what is.Woe be unto the men who get on the wrong side of that! So I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that many of our mommy students were going through the same issues at the same time.We all hug each other a lot and that's how the pheromones get moshed together in the first place. A couple of weeks ago there was a cloud of doom over every class we had one day. It was one story coming out of the mouths of several different women. The guilt involved with wanting to be a good wife or mother or both depending on the individual situation. It was tearing some of our students apart.You don't worry about putting yourself last on the list because you're not on the list at all! You love your family so much and yet you feel over stretched and under appreciated. Somebody say AMEN!  You can't get ahead. You're overwhelmed. You want to be successful at everything but you feel like you're failing miserably. And worst of all, sometimes you're not as patient with your kids as you want to be. Sometimes when you're trying to think for just a second and your children are calling MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY non- stop... you have the audacity to let it get to you.You feel like you're going to snap! There's the guilt. Your husband keeps missing the trashcan and so a pile of trash  (unnoticed by everyone... but you) has accumulated right beside it. You are maniacally amused by this.You're also tired. And don't get sick! There's no sick leave for you! Your arm is falling off? Tape it up and get back to work! The house won't clean itself ya know. What? You're not a stay at home mom? Shame on you. Shame. How selfish. No wonder things at home are crazy. You only care about your own needs. Does any of this sound familiar in any way? Think I can't relate? Ohhhh but I do. I relate to all of it. I consider myself to be both a working mom and a stay at home mom. I know that sinking feeling when you're trying to be on top of everything and instead you're plummeting toward the bottom. It finally dawned on me that we beat ourselves up because we are good wives and mothers. We do care! Very much! We are trying our best to do something that even on the greatest day will never be perfect! Forget about perfect. What we need to remember is, there is a difference between being selfish ( which some people truly are) and taking care of yourself first so that you can be strong and whole enough to be the very best you! Which ends up being better for everyone around you. An exasperated, resentful, mommy is not what we set out to be. But on certain days when we feel ourselves going down that road it's usually because we've answered everyone's call but our own. We know the best life is a well balanced one so tending to all things but you may seem like the right motherly plan at first, but it has to implode at some point. It is necessary to get a handle on this concept because you are setting an example for your children. You are teaching them how to treat themselves and how they should expect to be treated. You have to stop feeling guilty about needing time to regroup. You have, after all, the hardest job on the planet! Billy and I feel our marriage should come first so that we set a good example for our son. So that he sees his mom and dad love each other and him as well, not just two parents that only deal with each other through the child. There's a difference. Michelle Pfeiffer has this great line in the movie The Story of Us where she says that marriage is a dance perfected over time. I say you better get a great pair of dancing shoes because life is never going to be perfect. That's not the point of it. It's about the dance itself. Now I  could definitely be accused of being partial to dance metaphors, but what I'm really trying to say is... GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK !!! And give yourself credit for being able to keep all the balls in the air at one time. Life is already a roller coaster, and our hormones are on their own up and down ride. It's like sitting Disneyland's Matterhorn on the lap of Magic Mountain's Colossus. Wow. I'm pretty sure I just overdid the metaphor thing. Yeah. So, here's the deal... the next time you start to feel like you're falling into the abyss, remember a few things; You're definitely not alone, you should give yourself some extra TLC, and most of all take time to laugh at the fact that if your touchy- feely behind weren't so overly huggy,  friendly and wonderful , there wouldn't be so many of us wearing your pheromones and going through the same thing!