Growing Elijah...Part Two!

A couple of years ago I blogged about my son receiving a Valentine's gift from a classmate. It was a tiny potted strawberry plant. The cutest little thing. When you got it home you were supposed to water it, love it, and watch it grow over time. Well, being a little boy in pre- school and not having any concept about time and waiting, Elijah went over to the plant every two minutes claiming with great excitement that he could see the beginning of a leaf or the start of a strawberry! No matter what I said he could not be convinced that the plant wasn't already starting to peek through. Finally, when I was explaining ( for the fifth time) the growing process to him I realized what a metaphor it was for my feelings about him. There was all this miracle happening  under the soil. Just waiting to peek through. Our job as parents was to watch over, love, and care for this miracle that no one else could see yet. It had been my favorite blog post. Now fast forward and our son turns seven today! I wrote back then that the world had no idea what it was in for with Elijah. That it had better get ready to be shaken and not simply stirred! Our son is the greatest joy of our lives! I get a kick out of the physical change my body goes through when he calls me mommy or mama or most often... sweetie!!! I'm like a Super Hero whose main power is the ability to completely liquify! Ohhhh there she goes... it's Puddle Of Goo Girl! Speaking of Super Heroes, Elijah is ours. This child was placed in foster care at five weeks of age and bounced around for the first three years of his life from temporary home to temporary home. By the time we got to him he had already decided not to trust people, especially women since they were the main ones who rejected him. He would just stare at me as if to say "Why are you being so loving? You're not going to stay." My son would not run to me or hug and kiss me or say he loved me. I didn't need him to do that. I wanted to give him love. I wanted to do that for the rest of my life whether he loved me or not. He didn't owe anybody anything. He didn't ask to be here. People tend to treat children who need parents like they're rescue puppies. They expect all this gratitude for something that was the child's God given right to have before someone or some system messed things up.I prayed over my son every night. I asked God to tell Elijah's heart that mommy and daddy would NEVER leave him. That we were forever. That was important because how do you explain the concept of forever to a little soul whose "family" changed every few months? I always saw Elijah as the miracle about to be revealed. Always had the protective, mother tiger, say something negative about my son and I will slice you in one hundred different ways instinct that people assume you have to give birth in order to have. As I've said before, the miracle of Elijah's birth has nothing to do with whose womb he came from. Elijah is a miracle! I know every inch of my son. Every new scrape or cut or beauty mark(we call it a handsome mark!). I know the look that proceeds him running into my arms and squeezing me so tight! I love that look. I know (like every mom does) at breakfast whether it's going to be a great day at school, or if he's going to challenge every adult in his path. I know when he's thinking deep thoughts. I know when he's getting ready to break out and dance and it doesn't matter where we are when he gets that feeling! I know when he's planning an Incredible Hulk sneak attack on Billy in his sleep and it's so funny to see that. The constant joy and laughter that my son now has in his eyes. The understanding of forever.The fact that without my requiring it, my son now kisses me all over my face and says he loves me about a million times every day, is proof of his bravery. His leap of faith to trust Billy and I with his heart... forever. People are usually so shocked to find out that we adopted him. All they see is an extremely close family who love each other so very much! Billy and I have really been blessed with this tiny little gem who is now with love, time, and care, growing up to be all that we saw in our hearts  for him before we even met him. So here's the deal... the amazing thing about children is how they simplify all the things adults complicate.The word adoption didn't resonate with Elijah.When speaking of the day we became a legal family he, without missing a beat, will tell you "That's the day we all got married!" Puddle Of Goo Girl melting in five... four... three... two...

The Morning After... the break

Here it comes again. That thing I see every January 3rd. It's when everyone gets back to work or school or whatever. You see this sheepish look in their eyes.This walk of shame. Not the one associated with coming home in rumpled clothes after a one night stand. No, this look is the one associated with coming back to work in suddenly tight clothes after a two week eating binge. Yeah.That look.You readily accepted the invitation .You knew where things were going when you got to the table. You knew things might get out of hand but the temptation was too great.You were willing to take that chance for one morsel of pleasure. You were already seduced when you walked in. The way it all looked, the smell, the music in the background, the Holiday lighting. Easy to lose yourself and get a little crazy.Who wouldn't? How could you be expected to have self control when you were so close, practically touching, close enough to nibble... bite... then finally in a complete loss of will and inhibitions devour everything before you? Moaning and grunting with each taste of sweet, delicious, tantalizing love. You told yourself  that would be it but then you craved more and more and MORE! Guilt mixed with dizzying delight and soon you were hot and sweaty and loosening your clothes. It was time for... desert. When it was over, all you wanted to do was sleep.Was this you or anyone you know? HELLO? How about everyone? We all do it on some level. In our Dance With Me classes Billy and I tell our students to chill out and not freak over the holidays. There is enough to be stressed about in life. The holidays are supposed to be fun and wonderful and a little crazy. There is food! Tons of it! Everywhere! Whatever you took in has to be burned off and you can do that as soon as you stop beating yourself over the head about it. You don't have time for that anymore. Let's not do that in 2011. Moderation is crucial when it comes eating no matter time of year it is. But if you did overdo it, then get busy and match it with your favorite form of exercise. If you don't have a fave yet, I'd like to recommend dancing.Lots of it! Big surprise there... NOT! Perhaps a DVD that motivates you to get Cardio Fit or teaches you to Groove and Burn the pounds away! Okay stop me. Please. Really. I'm scaring myself. So here's the deal... If you are one of the thousands doing that walk of shame today, don't rush out to get your Julia Roberts Eat, Pray, Love big girl pants just yet (If you saw the movie you know the reference). Get moving! Get going! Get me away from my computer before I shamelessly promote again!

The Mommy Hug

I was deeply saddened to learn of the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I don't know if I was already in need of a good cry or what  but after reading several stories about how she chose to prepare her three remaining children (two of them are under thirteen, one grown) for her inevitable good bye, I found myself running to the bathroom in desperate need of tissue. I'm still emotional as I write this. She prepared them. As best she could. To her satisfaction. Then she could go. We know as mothers the plan is to live long, but not longer than your children. That's unthinkable. And so while I know she wanted more time, like any good mommy if given the choice, she would rather her children live on. She had a son who died at sixteen (unthinkable) and she called him an angel and was comforted by the thought of being reunited in Heaven with him. My thoughts went to my own feelings about being a mom. How could they not? I thought about something I now had that only my son could have given me. The Mommy hug. It's the hug I give my child every day several times a day. Oh, I always gave warm hugs. I come from a huggy family. But the way I hug now is... I realize that I hug my child with all my soul. My prayers. My hopes and dreams for him. Each time. Subconsciously I want to reassure him that if God forbid, something happened to me and it was my last hug, he would know how very much I love him and that I know how much he loves me.That it's going to be alright. He would know that being a mother is the greatest gift God gave me in a lifetime full of great gifts. He would feel how much I pray to God for his safety and his extreme happiness. He would know that with every fiber of my being I know he is going to rock the Universe the way he rocks my world! He will never have to wonder if he hugged me tight enough. In fact he will know that he gave me the Mommy Hug. A hug so jam packed with love, that when talking to his grandchildren or great-grands, he would be able to recall with perfect sense memory what my hugs felt like. I can imagine Elizabeth poured her soul into each and every hug. And although it could never take the pain of losing her away, those children don't have to wonder about the most important things ... the love between them. I totally get why my own Sweet Mommy's hugs are so comforting to me. Her hugs turn me into an instant four year old and I want to just curl up on the sofa and wait for her to make me a grilled baloney and cheese sandwich (even though I'm a veggie) with the crust cut off and a cup of hot chocolate to dunk it in! I'm smiling because my brother and I gave her that hug. The Mommy Hug.The cool thing is, when I meet new people or when I greet those I already know, all of my squeezes seem to be wrapped in this maternal blanket. So here's the deal ... every story about Elizabeth had the predictable paragraphs dedicated to the retelling of the non cancer related drama she went through these last few years of her life. What stood out online and on TV without exception was her love for her children. Because that is ultimately what matters. Go on. I know what you're going to do. I'm going to do the same thing right now. Elijah just woke up from his nap. Hug time.